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Skillful Happiness (How To Be Happy) | JabarPos Media

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Skillful Happiness (How To Be Happy) | JabarPos Media



When it’s hard to be happy, we don’t have to feel frustrated. This is why! XO

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It can be extremely frustrating when we’re unhappy with our life.

It is even more frustrating when we’ve put in so much effort yet find ourselves unable to improve our relationships, to let go of the stress in our work or to stop worrying about what people think of us.

Happiness usually isn’t something we have to consciously learn growing up, nor is it a subject taught in school, so often it doesn’t not occur to us adults that happiness is something we have to learn and cultivate and practice.

This is why life feels so difficult when we’re unhappy—we think that happiness shouldn’t be that hard.

Yet, when it comes to sports or music, we automatically accept that it’s going to be hard to be good at it, and we understand that our intention is not the same as our ability.

However, when it comes to our happiness—the area where we have to do lots of emotional heavy-lifting such as understanding our own emotions and triggers, not reacting negatively or letting go—we somehow think that having good intentions is ability.

This is why we feel so frustrated when we are trying so hard to be happy—we feel like we have the intention, so why aren’t we progressing?

This is because intention is not ability. Just because we realise something doesn’t mean we have the ability to immediately create change.

Just because we want to play the piano doesn’t mean we’d have the skills to do it, much less be good at it.

So just because we want to be happy doesn’t mean we’d have the skills to overcome challenges, much less be good at it.

Movies tend to perpetuate the belief that when we have good intentions, we’re already a better person.

When the hero in a movie realises something, it’s as if a magical switch has gone off, and he or she is suddenly able to be this kind, generous, amazing and loving person!

But that’s not how it happens in real life—awareness is wonderful, but it doesn’t mean we suddenly have ability.

Awareness helps us take the right step into the direction of where we want to go. After awareness, there are many, many steps to take—we have to close the gap between intention and ability, and that takes practice.

As with any kind of practice, a day will come where we will have acquired some skills, where it starts to become a habit for us to solve problems and overcome life’s challenges without frustration, anger or any kind of suffering. And that’s happiness.

Life doesn’t get easier but we certainly get better and stronger with conscious practice, and that’s how we can be happy, always.

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4 Comments

  1. As usual, we in the US are seeking the easy way to happiness (or numbness)..with drugs..Legalizing marijuana, FDA approved use of Ketamine for depression, Colorado recreational use magic mushrooms this week…….Who needs skills?….Fire Up, Eat a brownie or go on a trip eating a mushroom…..no skill required.. If you haven't seen the movie "Idiocracy" we're steaming towards this future here in US….Self driving cars, Fast Food delivery and all…….Miss you dear…:)

  2. Thank you so much for this! No one has ever articulated it like this and you have no idea what relief this brings me. I constantly feel the frustration between intention and ability. There is so much noise and distraction in the modern world that we can easily lose sight of our happiness. Thank you Xandria! Also, when you mentioned that there isn't a subject called Happiness at school it really struck a chord with me. I've often times wondered why we aren't more informed on how to be happier, as I believe the core of so much of the world's problems, from politics to personality, come from an inability to be happy, in spite how much effort people put into trying. Because we lack the education on what happiness is and the strategies we can use to work towards it, people resort to instant gratification, needing social approval, numbing agents like alcohol or drugs to deal with their unhappiness. I hope to one day be a part of the effort that makes Happiness a subject in schools as commonplace as Mathematics or Geography, so we know that life is about taking the steps to getting educated — emotionally and intellectually.

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